Smokin' Al (No, Not Koken)

Paul Lukas (of Uni Watch fame) has an interesting new column up at ESPN.com's Page 2 on some of the great moments in the shared history of cigarettes and sports (which reminds me... stop reading this post if you're not 18).

Anyway, he includes links to awesome pics of Terry Sawchuk, Derek Sanderson and Bobby Hull (and a less awesome pic of Mikka Kiprusoff and Dion Phaneuf) with cigs in hand or in mouth, but the article instantly made me think of former Cap Al "Wild Thing/Planet" Iafrate, who "smoked like an industrial chimney" and wasn't afraid to puff a mid-game cancer stick or two. As Eric Francis of Sun Media recounted:

Al Iafrate... once bummed a smoke off of an Ottawa reporter between periods before lighting it with the trainer's blowtorch.

Once? Knowing what we know about Iafrate, I'll take the over.

Oh, and FYI, smoking is bad for you... but don't take my word for it.

Friday Roundup/Gamenight: Caps @ Thrash

[AP Preview - WashingtonCaps.com Preview]

One can safely assume that during and perhaps after Wednesday night's debacle in Chicago, Bruce Boudreau did for the Caps via tearing what German doctors mistakenly did for this woman via surgery. That disaster behind us (no pun intended), the Caps head to Atlanta desperate - which is when Bruce Boudreau's Caps have often been at their best.

In Atlanta, they'll find the League's worst team. Maybe not by record (though theirs is certainly nothing of which to be proud, and they do have a League-low 16 wins in regulation and haven't won an intra-Conference game of any type since the night after Valentine's Day), but just look at the mess this franchise is. They can't score. They can't keep opponents from scoring. They have the worst goals for/goals against differential in hockey. They have two defensemen whose plus/minus ratings are in the minus-twenties and eight forwards who are double-digit minus players. Their top line is an Ovechkin-wannabe Ilya Kovalchuk, Bobby Holik and Chris Thorburn and they don't have a goalie on the roster with a GAA under three.

Pretty sweet, ain't it?

Make no mistake about it, either - this is not the Caps or Pens of the past few years or the Kings or Hawks of this year. There isn't much help on the way in Atlanta. Thrashers GM (and current head coach) Don Waddell could write a book on how not to build a franchise, and three-quarters of it could focus on the blueline. For example, back in 2003, Donny Wads probably knew that he wanted to draft a top rearguard, having taken three forwards and a goalie with the franchise's previous four first round picks.

By the time Atlanta's pick (eighth overall) was up, Ryan Suter was gone, basically leaving Waddell with a choice between a pair of blueliners out of the WHL - Braydon Coburn and Dion Phaneuf. The Thrashers took the former - a decision that, at the time, didn't seem horrendous, given that Coburn was Central Scouting's top-rated defenseman overall, a couple of spots ahead of Phaneuf.

Anyway, Coburn played in all of 29 games for the Thrashers before Waddell shipped him to Philly for Alexei Zhitnik last February, and just over a year later, well, here's what everyone's got:

• Philadelphia: Coburn, who is getting 20-plus minutes per night and has a team-leading plus-eighteeen rating for the Flyers at a cap hit of $785,000.
• Calgary: Phaneuf, a franchise defenseman who hits everything that moves and already has a 20-goal season under his belt and for whom most NHL general managers would gladly sacrifice a testical (or at least a pinky toe).
• Atlanta: Zhitnik, a 35-year-old with three goals, five assists and a minus-eight rating in 65 games at a cap hit of more than $3.5 million this year and next season. In fairness, Zhitnik did help the Thrashers make the playoffs last year... where they won as many games as the Caps did.
  

Ouch.

The following year, 2004, Waddell went D-drafting again, this time taking Boris Valabik (a fairly by-the-book pick)... 13 spots before Andrej Meszaros, 17 before Jeff Schultz and 19 before Mike Green. Valabik made his NHL debut Wednesday night and was on the ice for all five goals the Thrash surrendered.

Bottom line: if you're looking for a reason that Atlanta's defense is so awful, look at the guy putting the team together and his inability to evaluate talent at the position. In nine drafts, I count exactly three NHL defensemen (not counting Valabik) - Garnet Exelby, Coburn (a no-brainer) and the gem that is Tobi Enstrom, taken with the 239th pick in that 2003 draft - and little in the system about which to get excited.

By contrast, over the same nine drafts, George McPhee has drafted six blueliners who have seen NHL minutes this season and other prospects with promise aplenty (let's just not revist that 2003 Draft in too much more detail, okay?).

So here's to Don Waddell - may he keep his job as GM in Atlanta for many years to come.

And while it's certainly enjoyable to revel in the Thrashers' suck, it has been costly to the Caps when you consider how generous Atlanta has been this season to the teams with whom the Caps are fighting for playoff spots. They've given Carolina 11 points in seven games on the campaign, nine in six to Florida, eight in four to Philly, six in four to Boston, five in four to Buffalo... and eight in seven to the Caps.

If the Caps can't turn that last stat into ten in eight tonight, they're going to be in a very difficult spot indeed.

Elsewhere 'Round the Rinks:

Happy 42nd Birthday to Al "Bald Wild Thing" Iafrate.... Count Jim Kelley in the "he can be MVP without making the playoffs" camp.... Crazy Ron, however, is on the other side.... Mike Brophy's cold streak continues as he praises Chris Rooney for having a "solid" season. I tend to disagree.... GMGM was on this team (though I'm not sure I see him in that team pic - could that be him in the back right?) and he's griping about the length of the Caps' current road trip? Heh.... Speaking of firing up the Wayback Machine, Rink Reader Buddy reminded me the other day of a Glen Hanlon nugget that no doubt will win you a beer in a bar someday.... Matt Pettinger has three goals for Vancouver, and they're lovin' him. Good for Princess.... Say what you will about Georges Laraque (no, really... please do), but there can be no denying that he has a way with words (near the bottom; h/t Hockeyfights.com).... Ranger fans can be unfriendly? Get out.... Finally, one year ago today we got fantastic news from across the pond, almost equally fantastic news from The Big Apple, and previewed that night's Caps/Sabres game (which featured the Caps' first meeting with "former Cap" Dainius Zubrus), and two years ago today we recapped another Caps loss, but it wasn't just any loss - it was the "Ovechkin Benching" game (and the kid's been nothing but trouble since).

Daily Awards

• Hart: Alexei Kovalav (2G, including the game-winner, A, +3, 6 SOG)
  
• Ross: Alexei Kovalev, Shane Doan, Peter Mueller (3 points each)
  
• Norris: Tom Preissing (2G, 3 SOG, 2 hits)
  
• Vezina: Cam Ward (36 saves on 37 shots against in shootout win)
  
• Richard: Alexei Kovalev, Tom Preissing, Pavel Datsyuk, Alexander Radulov (2G each)
  
• Calder: Peter Mueller (3A)
  
• Aiken: Nick Boynton (0 points, -3)

Catching Up With "Wild Thing"

Always a fan favorite, Al Iafrate is still hamming it up for anyone who's listening - and that's a good thing.

For more on what a cue-ball-bald Wild Thing (one of The Rink's Top 11 American-Born Caps) is up to these days, check out this video:

H/t to Taranis on the article

If I Were A Hockey Player

Apparently Jes has started a new chain letter that's spreading through the blogosphere faster than his mom's chlamydia. Casonblog has tagged me, so here we go.

If I Were a Hockey Player

Team: Washington Capitals

Uniform Number: 16 (in honor of Bengt Gustafsson, my first favorite hockey player)

Position: First-line playmaking center

Nickname: Japers (but only because Rex Grossman took my original nickname)

Linemates: Alex Ovechkin and Peter Bondra (c. 1995-98)

Rounding out the PP: Al Iafrate and Dino Ciccarelli (Bonzai will play the point)

Job: Setting up the two greatest scorers in Caps history while cleaning up their garbage in front

Signature Move: The Hogan (charging at the goalie with the puck on my stick, slamming into him and watching the puck trickle over the line... just like you'd do in NHL 94)

Strengths: Possesses an excellent combination of skill and physical play. Is an outstanding playmaker due to great vision. Also takes care of business in his own end. Can change the pace of a game with an eye-popping rush or a crunching hit. [per TSN.ca's scouting report on me]

Weaknesses: Tequila, the Canadian Ballet

Equipment: Whatever - it's a poor craftsman who blames his tools

Nemeses: Denis Potvin, Pat LaFontaine, Petr Nedved, the entire city of Pittsburgh

Scandal Involvement: see "Weaknesses," use imagination

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Sidney Crosby and the Kansas City Penguins

What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Fill it with redneck margaritas and declare yet another Cup victory for the South

Would the media love me or hate me? The media would be largely indifferent (though somewhat condescending) towards me, as they always have been with anything to do with the Southeast Division

Alright, my time's up. You guys have been great. Don't forget to try the waiters and tip your veal (or something). I tag SeSo running mates TLW and Jen, The Peerless Prognosticator and any (all?) of the OFB guys. I'd also invite anyone to comment with their own answers (especially you, Netsy).

Separating The Contenders From The Pretenders

Jeff over at Sisu Hockey has a great post on how even though tonight's Caps' opponents, the Habs, look like a legitimate contender in the East on the surface, dig a little deeper and they've still got a lot of work to do (hint: Al Iafrate wouldn't be too impressed with this year's Habs). If you like numbers, check it out.

Also interesting to note is that Carolina would seem to be the worst Cup Champ of the past seventeen relative to the rest of the League. Parity? Fluke? My inability to understand statistics?