Friday, January 18, 2008

Uh Oh...


Update (10:24): Gary Bettman has elevated the NHL Public Relations Disaster Advisory level to "Severe."


Update (10:28): President Bush has ordered flags to fly at half-staff tomorrow in recognition of a national day of mourning.

Update (10:31)
: Evgeni Malkin has begun sitting shiva.

Update (10:38): U2, Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen (sans E Street Band) are now confirmed for Saturday night's "Concert for Sidney" telethon.

Update (10:42): Barring last minute intervention from the Supreme Court, Paul Ranger is to go before a firing squad at dawn.

Update (10:48): Kanye West has issued a statement that reads "Sidney Crosby doesn't care about black people." Huh.

Update (10:51): Elton John has just released "Candle in the Wind 2008" in tribute.

Alright, I need to go drown my sorrows. Follow George's lead in the comments and keep me posted, will ya?

30 comments:

Tyler said...

OMG. Funniest. Thing. EVER!

Anonymous said...

Well played.

Netsy said...

Nice job photoshopping Crosby's name over Alexander Semin's!

Earl Sleek said...

So the season's cancelled then? A shame.

george said...

10:52 Rumors have started circulating that the FBI, the CIA, and the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS), are collaborating an a special investigation targeting Alex Ovechkin and a possible conspiracy. Ted Leonsis and Alexander Semin have been been subpoenaed for questioning.

Anonymous said...

Why would Sasha Semin need to be subpoenaed? He can't speak english!

harrison said...

Like his goal scoring he only speaks English when feels like it

Anonymous said...

I hope he didn't have to wait 25 minutes for their team doctor to show up.

Focality said...

Tough break for the Pens. Who's taking his spot in the All-Star Game? At any rate, the NHL needs to do something otherwise the momentum for the NHL's rise to popularity will be lost. Doesn't 87 have a body double or something?

Hot dog night in Jersey this Saturday!

longtimehockeyfan said...

Let's hope Ovie replaces him at all star game, since he should've been there in the first place!

Anonymous said...

Perfect!! Thats all...

JP said...

They should send Malkin to replace him. He should've been there in the first place, and it definitely would make sense to send him now.

quarter said...

Has a candlelight vigil been scheduled, yet?

Hazardous said...

Oh man, that threat level image is hilarious. Well played, sir.

Mike Shwedick said...

Yea definentily malkin, he deserves it and they will probally want to did it because crosbys a pen/he's a pen etc.....as far as the starting lineup, it must be ovechkin, ovechkin was 5th in voting I believe but only behind Briere who did NOT make the all star team.

JP said...

I've gotta disagree - Kovalchuk will get the start. Leading the League in goals, tied for the lead in points, game's in Atlanta... take it to the bank.

WFY said...

Does this mean there is going to be another lockout?

NS said...

hope Staal takes the opportunity to show what he can really do. that kid is a great player.

OrderedChaos said...

Nicely done! Of course now I'll have Van Halen tunes stuck in my head all day.

Update 9:42 AM (1/19) Barbaro/Crosby was euthanized today after complications from his gruesome breakdown at last year's Preakness/last night in Pittsburgh, ending an eight-month/hour ordeal that made him even more of a hero than he was as a champion on the track/ice.

(that woulda worked better had the comments permitted the s tag for strikethroughs... ah well)

Caps Nut said...

10:37 AM Gary Bettman has announced that, with NHLPA approval, until Cindy Crosby returns to action, only primary assists will be awarded on goals scored.

Staff said...

Oh man.

That hurts.

Anonymous said...

Note to self: Gone home and check the Diver Down Album cover...I'm assuming it was Sid the Kid on Clarinet...

Funniest blog ever!

twoeightnine said...

Update 3:03 pm: Yinzers have begun sacrificing their most beautiful virgins to the hockey gods. As of this moment no deaths have been reported.

Hooks Orpik said...

Update 4:12 pm: 289 goes back to photoshopping Brett Hull's foot being not in the crease.

Jan said...

Taking "his spot" in the All-Star Game?!! Malkin? Ovie? Puleeeze. Whattya talking? They are going to cancel it.

Because well, like duh.

Jimmy Jazz said...

Posts like these remind me why I love your blog, JP. Classic.

Anonymous said...

some of the more creative crosby bashings. good work lol. (i'm even a pens fan haha)

Anonymous said...

Sidney Crosby also broke his back during last night's game from carrying the league.

Hazardous said...

That last post is downright idiotic. I didn't think your blog attracted people like that, JP.

Michael said...

That PR levels grid and corresponding updates are so funny because it is not too far off from the truth.

So much for the All-Star game, eh?