Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Like Potty Humor? Urine Luck!

As you undoubtedly know, tonight marks a very special anniversary in the hockey world (and not just because it was 15 years ago today that the NHL tapped Gary Bettman to be its first commissioner). More on the anniversary in a minute, but first a bit of history. As long as there's been hockey, there have been men drinking beer and watching hockey. And as long as there have been men drinking beer and watching hockey, there have been calls of nature.

At the confluence of hockey, beer and these calls of nature is one of the great achievements of modern plumbing, the urinal. After all, the deodorizing blocks found in these marvelous contraptions are frequently referred to as urinal pucks (and that's taken a bit more literal in some places than others), and it's doubtful that this first definition of the term "hockey puck" (link potentially NSFW, depending upon where you work) occurs in the absence of copious amounts of suds.

Forgetting the cold ones for a moment, hockey and urinals have a rich shared tradition. For example, did you know that Walter Brown Arena, the former home of the Boston University Terriers, was affectionately referred to in some circles as "The Urinal?" Then there's this fantastic story, as recounted at INCH:
[Jeff] Sauer is the only coach to ever receive a penalty while at a urinal. Between periods. Bill Brophy writes In "Shot and a Goal: A History of Wisconsin Hockey" that The Dean received his unorthodox bench penalty while coaching at CC.

"We were at Michigan,'' Sauer recalls in the book, "and there was an altercation after the period. I thought a Michigan guy started it and we had (Michigan coach Dan) Farrell and I separating 40 guys. So we get back to the locker room and I talk to my team and then head for the bathroom. Now at the old Yost Arena, there was a vent over the bathroom in our locker room and I could hear the officials in the next locker room saying I was right, that a Michigan guy started the fight. So I banged on the wall and yelled through the wall, 'if you see the bleeping penalty, call it.' So I go out on the ice and find out I got a two-minute bench penalty while in the men's room."
For Washington Capitals fans, there are decade-old fond memories of one of the ads out of the "Always Intense" campaign in which former Caps' bench boss Ron Wilson calls for a line change in the men's room, swapping out five fellas at the urinals for a fresh quintet.

But hockey fans' love affair with the urinal reached its pinnacle one year ago tonight at the Verizon Center. With the hated Penguins in town for a nationally-televised matchup between the reigning Rookie of the Year and the season's eventual scoring champ, gentlemen attending the game were presented with a very special opportunity. As the artiste himself described it:
As of about three years ago I began paying tribute to the Penguins by offering fans of both teams the ability to urinate on a "star". This year happened to be Sid with a small caption to entice those willing participants to aim more precisely.

I successfully placed these little pee-pics [pictured] in all the urinals at Verizon Center this past Monday night.
Do yourself a favor - read the entire story and ask yourself if you can imagine a better hockey urinal story (and if you can, I sure as hell don't want to hear about it).

As an epilogue to this porcelain heart-warming tale, I'd note that the New Jersey Devils have written a new chapter in the great book of hockey urinals by slapping their logo atop the plumbing. But while technological innovations may come along (or not) and events may conspire to spawn fantastic urinal-related anecdotes, one can't help but feel that never before and never again will so many hockey fans and so many urinals come together in such a monumental evening as they did one year ago tonight in our nation's capital.

6 comments:

The Peerless said...

The "old" Yost Arena?...geez, they still use that dump. It was old when it was built.

b.orr4 said...

That night was the ultimate conundrum for Penguins fans. Do they relieve themselves and desecrate the image of the Son of God, do they walk away in disgust and risk public humiliation or do they dip their hand in the urinal and retrieve the photo? A true Sophie's choise if you ask me.

Hooks Orpik said...

b.orr --Unlike R Kelly and apparantely some Caps fans I have no desire to go that far to pee on another person, espcially a dude.

But hey, whatever floats your boat.

JWJr said...

An absolute classic. I bought extra beer that night, just because. Thanks for the memory... -JW

Anonymous said...

PENS ROCK YOUR ASSSSSS!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Someone need a job...