Thursday, April 19, 2007

NHL Playoffs Drinking Game

As the hockey gets ever more serious by the day, so does the drinking. So whether you need to take the edge off while watching your team play or drown your sorrows because your team's season is done, grab the beverage of your choice, follow these simple rules, and enjoy the games (both on and off the ice). Oh, and if some of these rules don't apply by the time you read this, feel free to swap guys out like you're Bob Hartley.

Player Category - drink when:
  1. Sidney Crosby snaps his head back to try to draw a call.
  2. Ryan Miller makes a save look harder than it is.
  3. Mike Sillinger loses a faceoff or Robert Lang wins one.
  4. Dion Phaneuf rips a one-timer wide of the net.
  5. Colby Armstrong tries to take someone's head off (drink three times if he succeeds in doing so).
  6. Any Nashville Predator takes a diving penalty.
  7. Alexei Yashin gets a shift.
  8. You find yourself cursing Sean Avery.
  9. Mike Modano does something - anything.
  10. You find yourself dozing off during a Canucks/Stars game... and not because it's a late game.
  11. A player's stick breaks doing something that shouldn't break a stick that costs that much money.
Coach Category - drink when:
  1. You can hear Ron Wilson whistle for a line change.
  2. Bryan Murray looks like someone kicked his dog.
  3. When Bob Hartley- oh... nevermind.
  4. Bryan Murray looks like he's ready to kick someone else's dog.
  5. John Tortorella smiles sarcastically.
  6. You can see Barry Trotz's neck (this rule is here so mormons can play along and follow only this rule).
  7. Lou Lamoriello fires someone (finish your drink if/when he fires himself).
  8. Jim Playfair is out-coached.
Television Category - drink when:

  1. "Let's go, girls!" ad runs on Versus.
  2. Joe Benanati Sub-Category - drink when Joe B.:
    1. Notes a player's national origin or at which U.S. college he played.
    2. Uses either the phrase "full and even strength" or "a man to the good."
    3. Tells the viewers how much time "separates us from our [corporate sponsor] NHL on Versus intermission report."
    4. Says "soccer styles it" rather than "kicks it."
  3. Announcer uses the word "brink" or "stranglehold" (drink twice if not in a Game 4 setting).
  4. There's an awkward moment in the Versus/NBC studio and it's totally Bill Clement's fault.
  5. Announcer mentions how far apart, time-wise, Daniel and Henrik Sedin were born.
  6. Impossibly young player's impossibly bad facial hair is shown on TV.
  7. Announcer mentions what a winner Chris Drury is (drink twice if the words "Trumbull" and "Connecticut" are mentioned).
  8. Drink nothing when Brian Engblom hedges on a prediction. We're all for having a good time, but no need to send anyone to the hospital.
  9. Brett Hull looks like he's been eating well since retiring, doesn't he? Not a rule, just an observation.
  10. Announcer mentions any of the following players as trying to shed a certain reputation (drink four times if the word "choker" is used): Marty Turco, Pavel Datsyuk, Daniel Alfredsson, Joe Thornton.
Now the fun part - it's your turn to add some rules. What've you got?


Garrett said...

Dont forget every time Joe B. says, "... and he melts it to the ice!" and every time they mention Drury was in the little league world series. It was cute the first time.

Ari said...

...and every time Joe B notes that we're getting "a handheld look" at players in the corner.

george said...

i wish i had known about this sooner. you can only come up with so many variations on the Miracle drinking game after 3 years.

btw, you may want to consider eliminating number 8 in the 'Player Category' in order to avoid getting sued by readers who subsequently end up in the Emergency Room with alcohol poisoning.

-i will now take part in self created "Team Rule #1: drink [a case of Moosehead] everytime the Wings look like they will ultimately be knocked out by the number 8 seed in round one... again.'"-

Anonymous said...

Take a swig everytime Richard Zednic drops the shoulder and gets rubbed out into the boards.

Gary said...

The Joe B. section is spot on, man. Luckily Craig Laughlin doesn't do color for Versus. Otherwise, your rules would have to've been painfully longer... emphasis on "painful".

Vogs said...

Here in Capsland, we once built a drinking game that included taking a pull on your 40 whenever Zednik tried an ill-fated wraparound.

A fella ccould get mighty likkered up playing this here game o' yours, JP. Pass that roadhouse corn!

CapsChick said...

Luckily Sid the Kid is out, or you could have added a few more - like drink every time they say "Sidney Crosby" and he doesn't have the puck...or is even on the ice...or in the game.

Awesome, though - we'll have to try this one.

Marky Narc said...

New Jersey/Tampa Bay sub-category: drink any time an announcer feels the need to point out the size of Gionta or St. Louis. Drink again if he follows it up with "but he's got a big heart."

KMS2 said...

I couldn't agree more with the #1 television ad. I f'ing HATE that commercial. And last year it was the "go fishing" commercial on Versus.

kb said...

I never thought I'd be longing for the Quizno's lady, but the "let's go, girls" lady has made me do just that.

Ron W said...

The most annoying and stupid new ad is the beef jerky ad with the Sasquatch. Hmm I do not drink, but that ad makes me want to have a few gin and tonics.

chanuck said...

Another Joe B... anytime he mentions what the fans are chanting. Yo Joe we can hear too.

I think I am going to go blind with madness if I see that commercial again!

Ed said...

Drink any time anybody on a Versus broadcast says "On Versus". But be careful with this one - you might have to intentionally ignore a few just to keep yourself from passing out.

Courtney said...

anytime someone says the word dictate. i heard it 8 times in an intermission one night...

Anonymous said...

how bout you drink everytime Joe B tells us what color jerseys which team i swearing.