Monday, August 14, 2006

Ice Ice Babies

It was inevitable. With at least half of the NHL's teams now using young girls in tight clothes to keep their ADD-addled fans entertained during stoppages in play, it was only a matter of time before a concerned fan of the sport (that would be me) performed a quality control audit of this portion of the NHL's entertainment product.

The results were largely disappointing (emphasis in far too many cases on "largely"), but I have managed to find a few acceptable candidates for the First Annual Inaugural Japers' Rink Ice Princess competition. Without further ado, here they are:
  1. Kelly, Boston Bruins: Kelly has "a plate in [her] forehead from a hockey injury." Hot.
  2. Kerry, Carolina Hurricanes: Kerry "graduated from NC State with honors…Cum Laude!!!!" Uh-huh.
  3. Jennie, Dallas Stars: Jennie loves "playing guitar and writing songs." Her latest hit? "The Rest of the Stars Ice Girls Are Hideous"
  4. Meredith, New York Islanders:Meredith's best friend is Jenn from the Isles' Ice Girls. How precious.
  5. Jaromir, New York Rangers:Jaromir has led the NHL in scoring five times.
  6. Alissa, Pittsburgh Penguins: Alissa has been with the Penguins for two years, making her the third-longest tenured team employee.
"What about the Canadian teams," you ask? Having a long national love affair with hockey, the Canadians don't need good-looking young ladies to sell the game, so their teams either don't have cheerleaders or they're just flat-out ugly.

So what do you think? Who takes home the tin foil tiara and who's left to cry in her watered-down, over-priced beer once she turns 21? Vote in the upper right!

18 comments:

CD said...

A chick w/ a plate in her dome is the winner everytime, no matter what the contest.

Tapeleg said...

Nice they could get the evenings off from Hooters for the games.

iwocpo said...

LOL...everybody rags on the Hooter's Girls until you marry one.

And yep...I sure did...:)

predguy37 said...

Jaromir would have ranked higher, but missed too many games when at the drug store getting more Midol. Also, nothing but love for the Hooters girls, but they don't need to work on their nights off. The kind of tip money they pull from morons like me and my friends means they don't need another job.

Dave said...

you ragged on your wife until she married you?

Rob said...

Hillarious! You rock!!!!

I vote for Jagr! LOL!

BTW, the editor in me has to say that there is no such thing as "first annual" as inaugural would be more apropos. It's not an annual event until it's happened more than once.

JP said...

Duly noted.

shoeverine said...

how come we cant vote for jaromir?

iwocpo said...

Dave: yep and the shoe's sure on the other foot now.

Alana said...

The Flames have cheerleaders? LAME! Edmonton scores another point in the BoA.

Jagr is by far the prettiest of the bunch.

JTE said...

How many of the Islanders Ice Girls do you think lo Duca has banged?

JP said...

How many of the Islanders do you think Piazza has banged?

Chris said...

Regarding the Hurricanes' "Storm Squad", Kerry is not the hottest in person - Melissa is much hotter.

Anonymous said...

the Islanders' Ice Girl gets my vote since the Isles started this trend. and because it's probably the only pre-season poll they'll win.

Anonymous said...

Pittsburgh Penguins hottie - all the way. Look at that sucked in stomach...and the artificial tan. Sweet-up from da feet up!

DCSportsChick said...

Swear to God they photoshopped Meredith's head on a 13-year-old's body. Something just doesn't look right with that photo.

Don said...

heres a better picture for jagr

http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h195/donjuangoaty27/094636c1.jpg

twoeightnine said...

Kelly's my type of girl but that B on her chest drives a stake through mine.